Confessions

This is something I've noticed since firmly making the decision to move back to the States. In a lot of situations when I say I've decided to move home, instead of the usual response of wishing me well on my journey, I get a confession.

I think that's an interesting twist. I'm sure it's not exclusive to expats in Korea, but, being someone who has done a couple of big moves before, I know I've never experienced this. Maybe it's a feature that is present in other expat communities. I don't know, but if you have experiences like this with other ones, let me know. However, when I moved to San Francisco for law school, folks were supportive, wished me well and assured me I could come home to open arms. When I moved from San Francisco to Korea, in what I thought would be a year or two of adventure overseas, pretty much the same thing happened. I mostly had well-wishes from friends and family but sometimes there was concern as San Francisco to Korea is much further away than L.A. to San Francisco.

All-in-all when I move on, things are pretty standard. The Koreans I know provide the litmus test here. With them, it is heartfelt goodbyes, well-wishes and sincere promises to try to make our paths cross again. However, with some in the expat population something else is happening.

What I've noticed is I say I'm going and, depending on who I'm talking to, I end up getting a confession. The person will start telling me why they're staying and giving me tons upon tons of information that feels oddly inappropriate and, in some sense, insecure.

I've also gotten people launching into attacks of the foreign population here. I know I've made my quips about not missing certain types of people, but, I know that there are some I will miss. I've not made my dislike for some a secret; I have no love for particular types foreigners here. However, I do realize that people are here for a range of reasons. Some are bitter losers but others are new graduates looking for adventure and a way to put a dent in their student loan debt. There are also people who come here after raising kids to travel and live abroad for a bit. There are people here with some pretty impressive education credentials or pretty impressive life experiences who have a range of personal and professional reasons that they've chosen to be here. There are some who had or developed a deep love for some aspects of Korean culture and choose to stay.

It's a concentrated population for sure, but there is a spread that goes from pathetic to surprisingly impressive and inspiring. There are some unique and interesting stories with some. With others, not so much. However, what it comes down to with some of the odd responses is that I've gotten is the feeling that some feel that they're closer to the pathetic end of the spectrum and feel more trapped than anything. That's interesting but also sobering and sad.

Considering all the mess foreigners talk about Korea, what's also interesting is when I say I'm going someone tries to sell me on reasons to stay. These are often the very same people who just a few minutes before were talking mess about the frustrations that come with living in Korea. I've been here for a number of years. I KNOW both the pluses and minuses of living here as a foreigner. I guess that flip and hard sell is a particular strain of misery loves company. But that always has me thinking "wait, if it was so terrible last week or five minutes ago, what's changed and why are you trying to sell me on staying?" I'm known to be a pretty happy expat. I have my gripes and bad days, but I'm not one to go on an extended bitch-fest about life here. I've always known that when and if it became unbearable, I'd pack it up and move. However, we all know that doesn't represent everyone here.

The economy is another reason people give me to consider. While it is a concern, I think I'll be fine. I know the current economic situation is definitely stirring up fear. Actually, that's part of the problem, a loss of the public's confidence in the markets. Things in the States and worldwide are overwhelmingly intimidating. Korea is an export driven economy. No one is buying, so demand for goods has plummeted. The Korean won is weak, but, trust me, it's going to stay weak to make Korean products the better buy against its competitors. (I know there is more to it than that, but that's one feature of it.)

What that means for people earning Korean won is anyone who transfers money has taken a big pay cut. That's just a long-winded way of saying, the economy isn't really an issue because, even if I stayed, I'd be making less. I might as well go home and see how things go for me there. There will be tough economic times no matter what country I'm in.

Basically, it's time for me to go. The tug home started for me when I went home in early 2008. I had a great time being home. I went on an insanely fun cruise and visited places, like Manhattan, that I'd not been to in years. I'd never felt that sad having to leave and that made me realize something had changed. The same feeling happened when I was home in late 2008 for a friend's wedding.

It's just interesting that these confessions reveal much more about the speakers than I suspect they realize. Many around me have made my imminent departure about them and make me feel like Oprah. Unfortunately, it's being an Oprah without the couch jumping celebrity confessions and the fat paycheck.

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