Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy New Year!

image by - creator

This has been an amazing year for me.

I feel blessed.

I woke up late today after a very late night out. They'd already rung in the New Year in Asia. I had messages wishing me a Happy New Year. I really did feel very loved and blessed to have such thoughtful friends.

It's been hectic:

I had a ridiculous number of moves. I now know that's par for the course in the NYC area for many. I dread thinking about it, but I foresee, at least, one more move next year. That's why I've not really unpacked yet. :-/

It's been overwhelming:

I thought I'd be able to keep up my writing. I just haven't been able to between these moves and networking. I've got a few interviews from weeks past I need to write up and submit.  I also have a couple I need to rethink conceptually.

Networking is essential if you're working for yourself. If you factor in that I moved here not knowing a soul and having no family and less than a handful of friends here, well, I've had to hustle.  Also, networking is necessary for your sanity and social life if you're in a new place. 

I've had moments that have challenged my patience too. I've had to adjust to an urban culture that is very different, for better or for worse, than what I'm used to. I'm still trying to figure it out, but I'm getting there. 

It's been rewarding:

Working as a freelance social media manager and strategist and getting real results for my clients has been just INCREDIBLE.

I'll admit that sometimes there is that itch of uncertainty because this is a fairly new industry. There are a lot of people claiming to be a "guru" or an "expert".  My approach is to do the work and do it well.  I've created results for myself.  I'm now creating results for my clients. 

I'm in the most competitive pool in the USA, so having happy clients that recognize that I'm doing a great job makes me smile. Being able to have a viable freelance business with just over a year of work with no transition from the support blanket of full-time work or the name recognition of a company behind me, well, I'm proud that I'm doing it. 

It's just been great in so many ways:

I've met some great people. I've had some great moments.  I've also lost some important people due to growing apart or moving on, but, you know what?  That's okay. You learn from it all. 

It's forced me to be very introspective and to see what needs fixing:

I fancy myself as someone who is already quite introspective.  I've had a fair amount of loss and losing my parents early and in rapid succession made me tough.  My mom had already taught me to be resourceful. It's just that with them gone, I have to use it. When I moved abroad to South Korea I longed to see a bit of the world and learn. I did that in ways I never predicted. 

A weird effect of that, however, is even being a city like NYC now means I'm impressed with what I see here, but I'm not THAT impressed.  Why? Because I just know there is more out there.  I chuckle when I hear or see people here say "only in New York". We're more common than not.  NYC is a vibrant and special place, but, for me, that's not because it's necessarily the best place. It is, however, a city that attracts the best talent and the best creativity.  When you look at modern history and the lives of individuals who've made an impact a large number of them have spent, at least, some time in New York, NY.  That makes me feel like the odd person out because I hear that "only in New York" stuff so often that I do feel like the odd person out. It's great, but come on...

Resuloution time? Yes and no. I don't "do" resolutions. I do life changes or I don't bother:

I've got some chronic personality quirks - I tend to run late and that's bad.  It's also funny because I know it's a reaction to my mom ALWAYS being insanely early.  It was just so frustrating to get someplace and sit, sit, sit.  I hated it.  In L.A., San Francisco and South Korea, it was always something that was never ~that~ bad.  However, in NYC when things fail?  OMG, they fail in a big way.  Note to self: factor in a good 30 minutes lead time over how long you ~think~ it will take you to get there.  That seems to be working for me. 

Also, my diabetes factors into this. I've had times where my blood sugar goes dangerously low, hypoglycemia. I also have a side effect of diabetes called hypoglycemic unawareness. If my sugar crashes I'm just out of it. This can happen at anytime and I'm taking steps to reverse it and make sure it stops.

Wish me luck!

Feeling like the odd person out comes up again here. A side effect of having lost the two most important people in my life in my 20s, just when my life was starting made me very closed.  I have a big personality and I'm not shy around strangers. That's my acting background (yep, acting, which I don't talk about much anymore.) I was the little girl who hid behind her mother when strangers spoke to her. She's still there. I'm still bashful in some ways. With no mother to hide behind, I just close parts of me off.

I'm not open with what I'm really feeling and really thinking.  I often feel like people don't get me.  I also sometimes intentionally shut people out or block them from getting to know me. In fact, I was out last night and felt that way almost the whole night.  People size you up on what they see.  So when people see me, I know that most are putting me into some weird and probably stereotypical category.  I speak four languages. (Granted, I only speak my native language fluently.) I've traveled a lot. I've studied a lot.  I probably know way too much about politics and have a knack for being able to find information quickly.  I was a library nerd and I'm the same on the Internet. Having quick access to information is amazing.  My music taste and interests run eclectic. I love Van Halen almost as much as I love Prince.

So, I'm going to open up more because it's not just stereotypes guiding me being misunderstood. It's me wrapping myself up tight in a protective ball.  Life is just too short.  I've led a risky life in some ways but it's time to take some deeper risks with my soul, my feelings and my emotions.  I've kept them well-hidden. I've got to take more chances and be more vulnerable.  I'll admit, I'm just terrified of feeling the loss of grief. I really do hate it, so I've shut down in some ways. However, it's part of life. I can't hide from it. Some things that happened this year showed me that.

That's it.

It's been just an awesome 2010 and I expect that 2011 will be even better.

Here is wishing you all a very happy and healthy New Year! All the best in 2011.


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