Where The Hell Am I?: self-esteem

Tuesday, January 9, 2007

Nappy Hair And Self-Acceptance

Graphic: The cover of Nappy Hair by Carolivia Herron

I Freed Myself When I Embraced My Locks is a Newsweek article by Evette Collins in which she talks about accepting her nappy hair.

If you're not clear what I mean, nappy hair is the natural texture of Afro or sub-Saharan African hair. It's tightly coiled and highly textured. It looks very strong, but is very fragile and breaks quite easily. Also, because of those tight coils once it dries it coils up even tighter (think of the Seinfeld episode dealing with shrinkage.) I remember having to explain to a little Korean girl who asked me about my hair that hers grew out straight and mine grows out in tight little coils.

Although I'd kept my hair natural for years, I hid it under braids. I started wearing my hair natural about a year and a half ago. Previous to that, I honestly had no idea how to work with the natural texture of my hair. Thank goodness for the Internet because I searched around and found I wasn't the only one. The site I frequent most is Nappturality.com. At that site there are women ranging from those just starting out to those who've been natural for a long time.

It's a great place to learn about my hair and learn from the successes or mistakes of others. Also, I can share my experience too. I have to say, like the writer of the article, I won't ever go through the process of altering the texture of my hair ever again. It's beautiful, and, on top of that, it's unique. I can do so many cool things with it from a fun afro to twisty ringlets.

Now that I've worn my hair naturally for two years, I can't imagine putting another relaxer in my hair. Wearing my hair naturally has opened my eyes to my own beauty, and eliminated some major hassles. I don't miss being in the salon from morning till sunset. I don't miss running from rain clouds. Most importantly, I don't miss hair loss.

One day, about five months after I started wearing my natural hair, I was out getting lunch when I heard words that sounded almost foreign to me: "Your hair is so thick and pretty!" The woman who complimented me not only put a smile on my face, she confirmed something I had struggled to convince myself of—that my natural hair was beautiful, too. I'm now proud to wear it, to show other black women that our hair is gorgeous just the way it is. It took me years to get to a peaceful place about my hair, but in the end, I got it all straightened out.

I too got those compliments, and they helped me realize that my hair was beautiful.

Thanks for the great article Ms. Collins, and I hope you all click through and read what she has to say.

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Here is a clip from that Seinfeld episode about shrinkage, but this relates to the male anatomy and NOT the texture of my hair ;-):

Reinforcement

The Road Less Travelled by Linda Paul - www.lindapaul.com

You know when you're famous, you can say stuff that others say and think, but when you say it people will sit up and notice. It's an interesting result of fame.

Case in point, the latest post on my boy's blog. Granted, the scene is quite dramatic, and, considering the current horrible news, it's bad timing. I've never needed such a violent jolt to get on this topic, but clearly some people do.

Here's the question: what do you change? Whom do you call that you haven't spoken to in years? Whom do you realize has been toxic to your heart and drop with surprising ease? What trips do you cancel, and what trips do you book? What can't you be bothered with anymore? What's the new you like?

Think about that, and then ask one more question. Why not just change it all right now?

(Working on it...)

I live my life like that, which is probably why my life is so massively different from a lot of folks I know. That's not to say it's better, just different. I've made different choices because I know I've been looking at the world from a different perspective.

I remember my mother telling me stories about all of the things she wanted to do, but she never got around to them or never made them explicit goals. I remember her telling me to focus on my education and my goals before settling down, but also instilling in me an appreciation for family. I think I learned that lesson a bit too well as I still break into a cold sweat at the thought of marriage yet, ironically, I still desire it on some level too. Her not reaching for her dreams made a deep impression on me, so much so that I've probably spent a bit too much time focused on goals and not enough on family.

I also remember her forthrightness, and her ability to be candid no matter what. Unlike most people, she knew that even if the truth sometimes hurts, it's even more hurtful to be deceitful. That makes me someone who bristles at deception even when it's done with the best of intentions. I'd rather get the sting from a thwack of honesty than to get it by figuring out out weeks or months down the line that someone lied to preserve my feelings or ego. That candor worked in a positive way too because it made her someone who reached out and hugged me and father for no good reason but that she loved us. Of course, that's the best reason of all.

But with my boy posting that, maybe more will start to see that life is so precious and so short. Maybe some lives will change for the better and more people will make a difference in this world. Maybe the world will be a better place because of it. At a minimum, even if world peace doesn't occur and global warming isn't reversed, maybe some lives will be made better because of it.

Thanks for the reinforcement my celebrity friend.