Thursday, April 3, 2008

Jumping the Broom - Um, I'll wait, thank you...

This is an interesting article I saw on MSN Money. The title caught my eye, "Too successful for a mate?"

Let's just say that socially I was out recently and someone said something about "finding a wife." The problem is 1) I don't think I was supposed to hear it and 2) to be completely honest, this guy was as dumb as the day is long. So, in my book, he was not husband material 'cause I do want peace of mind, a happy marriage and somewhat clever children if I have any.

I thought it was funny in a way because I've seen some men with standards so low it's laughable. I've seen the same in some women, but men tend to be worse, I think. However, I'm no expert in this area, so I could be wrong.

Like other single women writing on this topic, I've found that men and some women can sometimes really get smug. I won't highlight all the experiences I've had with such smugness 'cause a lot of them involve personal situations and stories. However, I find it really funny to deal with single men here in Korea sometimes.

It's an interesting twist of the women's rights era. I honestly don't think it's a bad one. Now people in my family who are bemoaning the fact that I'm still not married probably don't agree. However, I decided awhile back I'd rather be single and happy than married and miserable. After seeing friends suffer through divorce, that hasn't changed and I don't think it will. So when I get that smugness from someone who clearly hasn't spent much time thinking about relationships and marriage, I really do want to laugh. I don't laugh because making fun of the stupid isn't nice.

Plus, there is this which I see constantly:

Experts say that highly accomplished men tend to marry women who are lower on the professional and educational food chain than they are, traditionally choosing women over whom they can exert control.
However, it's not just highly accomplished men because a lot of the men here...well, no comment.

If you listen to my Being Black in Korea podcast, you know I'm pretty picky. I honestly don't think the expat community in Korea is the best source for a mate unless you're a Korean woman looking for a green card. Without chewing into what's on the market here any further, I like some of the issues and the reasons this article gives about why very educated and successful women wait because it echoes exactly why I'll continue to wait.
For lots of these highly successful women, when given the choice between marriage and their current life, single wins, hands down.

Wendy Simmons -- a 39-year-old Brooklynite, founder and president of PR firm Vendeloo, a former club owner and a current world traveler -- loves being single. She was married for one year at age 25, but felt so trapped that she is having a hard time putting a positive spin on the idea of doing it again.

"The longer you go without marriage, the more complete you make your life, the more difficult the idea of a compromise in marriage becomes," she says. "I may be ready to try again, but every day I feel more and more like a confirmed bachelor. I see so many people struggling in relationships that it scares me."

Simmons rejects outright the notion of dumbing herself down to make herself more marketable to all those executives looking for a "wifey".

"For a lot of guys, the simple girl is easier because the man's role is clearer: They make the decisions," she says. "It's those things that I'm afraid of -- a life of compromise every single day."
I can't say I agree that I'm afraid of compromise. Marriage is compromise and I saw it with my parents who stayed married until their deaths. However, for me, it really is being quite happy here and now and knowing that the grass isn't necessarily going to be greener when and if I ever jump the broom. I hope it will and that's why I'm holding out.

Sphere: Related Content